I was miserable and I didn’t know it. I wanted to escape and hide my feelings. I had been self-medicating for a long time. My family and sisters would try to rescue me and I would just go back to the same behaviors. The beginning of the end started in June of 2012 when I was caught stealing drugs from work. I had been a nurse at that point for 30 years and I lost my nursing license. I tried to get a job and get my nursing license back but I just couldn’t. I had lost any discipline or structure that I once had in my life.
I found myself in a really terrible place about 9 months after I lost my license. I had a lot of self-pity that at the time I didn’t know I had and I told myself that I didn’t deserve to live in misery anymore. So I made the decision to try to overdose. I did not think that I was hurting anybody but myself. Later, I learned that selfishness is a common characteristic of an addict/alcoholic. I tried to commit suicide and it didn’t work. I ended up at Holly Hill soon after. After 10 days in Holly Hill I was due to be discharged. Only one of my sisters came to the “Family meeting”. She told the Social Worker that my family was not going to rescue or enable me anymore. At that point the social worker that was managing my case stepped in and let me know that the only choice I had was to go to Healing Transitions. I knew about Healing Transitions because, before I went there, I was driving some of the Healing Transitions participants to meetings.
After speaking to the social worker I went and laid down in my bed and gave the idea some deep thought. I just knew I had no other choice and that I needed to change. I talked to God and prayed for the first time in a long time and this deep sleep came over me and I slept for about 3 hours. When I woke up I felt more at ease and knew that everything was going to be okay. I decided that going to Healing Transitions was the best path for me to take.
The next day I came to Healing transitions in a taxi cab that the hospital paid for. I walked through the doors feeling unsure, but a miracle happened here. Like I said, I knew that I had to change and there wasn’t any doubt in my mind that the way I was living wasn’t working. So I just let go and took suggestions from people and did what I was told. I had been living so horribly before and I didn’t want to go back to that life. So I got a sponsor and started working the Steps. I know I was difficult to deal with in the beginning because I questioned everything. I needed to know “why.” I soon learned however, that I didn’t even know how to live nor did I know what my character defects and problems were. I needed my peers to point them out to me. This helped me figure out what behaviors I needed to change and I worked hard to change. To me it’s just a miracle. Everything that the program has done for me has been truly incredible. Healing Transitions was a Divine gift to me and my family.
Before I transitioned out of the program I got a job working at a medical based company as a temporary part-time administrative assistant. I was covering for another employee who was out on maternity leave. Once she returned from maternity leave, the company offered me a full time non-nursing job. I worked in that position until June 2015.
In July of 2015 I got my nursing license back! I understand how amazing that is because only 20% of nurses get their license back after they lose it because either they choose not to get it back or they cannot complete the nurse’s program. I worked very hard to get it back but I also felt like it was a God thing. All the pieces fell into place perfectly. I was then offered a Case Manager position at the same company. I’m working as a nurse again and I feel like finding recovery has made me a better nurse. I’m more comfortable talking to patients about the different things they are going through because I’ve been there.
After transitioning out of the program I have also had the opportunity to regain my connection with my family. I have two sons that never gave up on me. We are very close now and they love the new mom! The relationships with my sisters and my parents now are just awesome. I used to give my parents so much grief and worry and today I can go over to their house and play games, talk and laugh.
I also received an alumni award a few months back and I don’t feel like I deserve it. I just practice what Healing Transitions taught me and now I use that knowledge to give back and help other women find recovery. Healing Transitions has given me my serenity, my happiness and my desire for living. I know that I would not be alive right now if I didn’t walk through the doors of Healing Transitions over 4 years ago. I owe my life to this place.